i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
