can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize