Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
