You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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