I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
