i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
please come you make the beer taste better
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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