my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
