That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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