I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize