So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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