Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
