where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You smell like stripper and shame
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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