she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
only you would photoshop your dick
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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