I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
