I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize