yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
