I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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