Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
