About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
