Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
