dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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