I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
