How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
