cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
