Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
