So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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