I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
