what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize