so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You can't just leave with hair like that
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
