How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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