I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
