I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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