True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
