Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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