dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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