it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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