mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize