the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
