I just made out with a guy for $7.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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