Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
