I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize