I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This house was built for laser tag.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
