Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize