the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
