worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
