The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
