remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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