i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
