Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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