Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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