I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
