Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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