I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
As shirtless as possible
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
