come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
