just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
is wine microwaveable?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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