stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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