I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
