Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
