going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
