Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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