I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
