my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
