JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize