I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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