biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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