I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
